Friday, February 13, 2009

never say never

So I did it.... I went back to pizza hut after a year and a half long absence. I vowed that the last time I left would be the last time! I had no more reasons to go back since I was graduating. However I ended up with a job that kinda screws me over when it comes to hours, so I had no choice but to take some extra hours at the good ol' hut. I'm actually really grateful that Peter gave me the hours when he doesn't *really* need me.. I guess he likes me after all!

Of course the day after I got this second job, my boss Tom at Santa Fe informed me that 2 waitresses were quitting and I could have their hours... but I counted it all and even with their hours, the MOST hours I could get in a week would be 20-25 and that just wouldn't cut it... And next week he only gave me 2 shifts. 6 hrs MAX.... so thank goodness for pizza hut. (never thought I'd say that..)

It's been fun being back there actually. LOTS of stuff changed while I was gone so there's actually lots to learn which is keeping the level of monotony WAY down. Plus, all the staff is new so I feel like I'm working at a different pizza hut. It's kind of fun. But if this one kid tries to prove to me how he's better than me one more time, I'm gonna hurt him... nobody will ever be better than me at pizza hut! haha... should I even be bragging about that?

I had my measurements taken at the gym after having been there for a month. I didn't lose any weight which is a little disheartening, but my body fat went down %2 which means I must be doing something right. I also lost a half inch off my chest, a whole inch off my waist and another half inch off my hips. My biceps grew a half inch! I'm pretty buff these days...

I keep having dreams about big violent shootings. In the first dream, I was in this building with some friends and we were trying to escape these shooters who were running around and shooting everyone. I almost got shot in that one. A bullet grazed my nose. Random. In the second dream, it was kind of like I was watching a movie. This girl was trying to escape a big group of men who were trying to kidnap her or something. She had a gun and was just shooting them all. This dream was particularly violent because I actually saw people getting shot at point blank to the head. These aren't the first dreams I've had about shootings....SO I looked all this up on and it says: "To see a shooting in your dream, indicates that you have a set goal and know what you are aiming for in life. Your plans are right on target!" This actually kind of makes sense to me. I have plans for the near future and I'm really excited about them. They're not super exciting... I'm only moving to Lethbridge and don't really know what I'll do once I get there, but I'm amazed at how much peace I actually feel these days! Just a few short weeks ago I was about as cranky, angry, sad, frustrated, and anxious as I've ever been in my whole life. Since I made the decision to move to Lethbridge, I just feel calm! My nightly prayers are a LOT less whiney and I'm happy! Really excited to see what Lethbridge life will bring. Of course I still secretly hope that maybe this is where I'll finally find my husband and start my family (and I sort of feel like that might happen... even though I've felt it before... but I think I always was forcing myself to feel that because it's what I wanted.. but I suppose that could still be true now..) but I *really* (this time I mean it) have accepted the fact that it'll happen in the Lord's time. Now I pray that until the Lord sees fit that I have my own family, He will help me find things to do that will help me find joy and fulfillment in life so that I don't sit around basing my self-worth on the presence of a man. I'm just really excited to be happy!

Monday, February 9, 2009

Lonely Road

In life there may be times
when it gets hard to walk the walk.
It's easier to take the path
that most have traveled on.
But then again sometimes to do what's right
you must walk alone.

And Lord, it's a lonely road
when this world burns down deep in your soul.
You will find there's peace left in mind.
You will find there's peace to find,
peace to find.

Some people are unkind
to those who see things different.
We've all felt pain in ways
it hurts to even bring it up.
But that don't mean that we
should take this motion lying down.
I'll stand and fight until the day
they put me in the ground.

And Lord, it's a lonely road
when this world burns down deep in your soul.
You will find there's peace left in mind.
You will find there's peace to find,
peace to find.

Here goes nothing..

SO..... I don't know how to make my blog look any more interesting than this.. so here it is.

I'm not very good at writing my thoughts or even what's going on in my life but I'll try.

Outsiders looking at my life probably think that I'm a "failure" so far... I don't have a big important career and I don't have children. Friends from high school are probably thinking "she was so smart.... what happened?" Well, I also sometimes wish I had a big career or children, or was at least doing something a little more worth while. However, I've actually realized that my life right now makes sense to me. I can see what I'm doing and why, and although I'm not where I want to be forever, I understand why I'm here right now. So I'm good.

I'm being trained. I work with the Primary kids at church and although it was NOT what I wanted to do, I'm loving it and learning every week. The Lord teaches me things every Sunday that I need to know for the future. I have a strong feeling that the life I've always wanted is not too far off in the distance. I can say that because I'm the one in my head and nobody else is.

I love waitressing. Is that bad? I hope not because I love it. I love working in restaurants. I love meeting new people and talking to them on a regular basis. I love it. I get stressed and complain about it, but I really do love it. Just because you don't need a degree to do it, doesn't mean it can't be a fulfilling "career". I have that "piece of paper" and maybe I'll actually use it sometime in my life, but for now I'm ok with it simply being in a frame on my wall.

Well I should go... I have a date with The Bachelor :)