Tuesday, July 19, 2011

You just kicked a potato!

So.... my last blog post was a bit dramatic to say the least. Sometimes I feel like I should wait a day before I post anything, but on the other hand, it'll be good for me to be able to read back on these entries and remember exactly how I was feeling at that time. Anyway...

Things are good. I really have been having a great summer. I spent the day in Waterton yesterday and it was spectacular. It makes me want to live there. I think it would be fabulous to live there for a summer sometime. Work at a restaurant or something there, live in a cabin, and enjoy the scenery all day every day all summer. Maybe I'll look into that sometime. I just kept thinking to myself, "No way this is real life!" It's so beautiful there. There's no way that God didn't have a hand in creating all that. It's just too breathtaking to be an accident. Got a bit of a sunburn on my shoulders, but it's a good souvenir :)

This Saturday I get to see BRETT!!! He's coming back for a couple days for his sister's wedding. I get to be his escort :) I can't wait to see him and hug him. He's one of my very favourite people in the whole world and I miss his guts! Also, Kelly comes back this weekend!!!! I'll have a female friend again!! It's great timing since Christian and Taneil, the two people I spend the most time with, will both be gone for over a week in August. I'm so glad I'll have Kelly back. She's also one of my very favourite people in the whole world. I miss her muchly as well :)

I've been getting things ready for my brother's wedding next month as well. Bought my bus ticket to Calgary so I can meet up with Megan and drive together. Also booked a hotel room for a night. I think it'll be a fun weekend. It'll be great to see my whole family together at once, as well as meeting Caysha's (my soon to be sister-in-law) family. It's still weird to think I'll have another sister! You can never have too many sisters in my opinion and I think she'll be a good addition to the family. Hopefully she won't be too overwhelmed seeing me and both my sisters all together at once... we can get a little nuts sometimes!! (In a very good way!)

Well, I hope this update was a little less dramatic and a lot more positive. But that's how I'm feeling today so I blogged :)

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

What is there to complain about?

I am a hot mess.

Life is grand. I have the most AMAZING family, and some simply magnificent friends. I know I am well loved. I know where I came from, I know why I'm here, and I know where I'm going (ultimately). So why do I feel the way I do?

I have this constant knot in my stomach. I am always worried that people are mad at me. I'm afraid that I'm making bad decisions every day. I know I need to be a better person but I don't know how to do it. Even right now, I'm crying and I don't know why. I awake virtually all night last night with a sick feeling in my stomach for no good reason.

I've even done much soul searching lately to help me with some decisions I was faced with, and came up with a plan, and felt good about it. I still do. I need to stay in Lethbridge for at least another semester. I need to be here. There are people I need to help, and things I need to figure out on my own, before I potentially move back to Ontario to be closer to family.

Maybe I can blame all this on anxiety/depression.. I'm not sure. I do know that I'm tired of feeling like this. I'm sorry if anyone reading this thinks it's too much information, or too personal for me to be blogging about, but I kind of treat my blog like my journal, and I'm the type of person who simply CAN'T figure things out in my own head. I need to write it all down or say it out loud or something. So here's hoping this helps.

My good friend cody told me to write a list of things I love about myself. Worth a try.

- I feel what other people feel. This allows me to be empathetic, and a good listener.
- I think I'm funny :)
- I have big beautiful eyes. I love my eyes.
- I'm a good baker!
- I'm smart
- I'm very loyal.. to friends, to my job, and especially to my family.
- I'm a good teacher. I never thought I'd say that about myself.

That's all I can come up with right now. Like I said, I have a great life. I know of many people who have way bigger problems than I do. I don't know how these people have made it through life so far so strong and so inspiring. Things have been pretty "easy" for me. Maybe I just need to learn to be more grateful I guess.

I'm sorry this blog entry has been so depressing! How can I end this on a happier note.... How about this!! Nobody can deny that baby laughter is the best medicine :)