Oh Adventures

Last couple months have been.... different. October had a couple highlights though. I just love October. I love the way it smells, looks, feels. Went to the corn maze for the first time this year. It was pretty fun once we ditched the super chatty random girls who decided to follow us around. Halloween was fun. I went over to Christian's for scary movies and trick or treaters.... even though only 3 kids showed up :( It was still a fun chill night.

November has been a little difficult emotionally. Lots of changes, lots of decisions to be made, and none of it very much fun... but I'm coping. I played with the silver band on remembrance day. I loved that. I forgot how much I loved playing the trombone in concerts. I almost cried after the afternoon show, I was so happy.

Last night I went to Calgary with Taneil to see "STOMP". I love that show. This is the third time I've seen it live and it's entertaining every time. We picked a bad day to be travelling though, as there was hurricane force winds on the highway. We saw a couple semis tipped over. Plus, back in Lethbridge, grass fires were starting and the 130km/hr winds were not helping the situation. My neighbourhood was on evacuation notice. My apartment building still smells like campfire. Luckily the wind died down and they got the fires under control and as far as I know, no homes were destroyed.

That experience taught me something very important. Something that I should've known already, but had forgotten during the course of the last couple months. People care about me. I got concerned texts/messages from many different people asking if I was ok, making sure I had places to go if I was evacuated, begging me not to attempt driving home in the wind. It didn't really hit me until this morning, but I woke up feeling very protected, loved, and cared for. I'm pretty sure I'm moving back to Ontario in February, but when I do, I will be leaving behind many great and amazing people who have permanently changed me for the better.

I am not the same person I was two and a half years ago. Not at all.

"I know it, and I know that God knows it, and I cannot deny it."

Go here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K7-XVLs6u-c&feature=youtu.be

Then if you have questions, go here: http://mormon.org/

... or ask me :)

This is why I am who I am, and why I do what I do. I'm not perfect. I make mistakes. However, I strive to be better. I will not and cannot turn my back on the one thing that has been a solid constant support to me in my life: My belief in God.

"The gospel of Jesus Christ is not an obligation, it's a path way" - President Dieter F. Uchtdorf

Life is not easy. I am not always happy. Sometimes, stuff just plain sucks. But knowing that there is a purpose to all of this, and that one day I can enjoy that peace I crave with the family I love, helps me keep going when all I want to do is give up.

God is aware of me, and is taking care of me. He will guide me if I listen and have enough faith to follow His promptings. He will not lead me astray or let me do anything that will harm my future. He truly does want me to be happy. I may not always remember that, and I may turn my back at times, but that does not change the fact that He is there and that He exists.

I love my family. They are my strength when I am weak. It amazes me how unconditional their love for me is, even when I don't deserve it.

There's a baby in there you know..

(No.. I'm not pregnant.. the title is an inside joke.. as are most of my titles. Just thought I'd clarify!)

What a fabulous day I had Sunday! It was my annual summer staff party out at the boss' cabin! Every year on the long weekend in August, my boss has all the staff out to his cabin for sun, games, swimming, pig roast, campfire etc. The weather was PERFECT. This year was so much fun :) The water was clear and clean! Cold, but clean. SO refreshing.

We all took turns floating down the river which was SO much fun. Christian and I floated down together, and the first time was fun and uneventful. So the second time he thought it would be a grand idea to take his camera with him to take video. Unfortunately the water was slightly more aggressive that time! We flew right past where we were supposed to "dock", so he had to jump out to try and stop us. Sadly he forgot to hand me his camera first so in it went. Then he slipped and lost his shoe! It was hilarious and I think I was more upset about his camera than he was. He was ready to go again! I was slightly more traumatized. Let's just say that's why I'll NEVER go white water rafting. I'm a huge chicken when it comes to water.

Dinner was fantastic! Every year he roasts a whole pig. Leaves it smoking all day long. It was super tasty. Plus his wife makes a bunch of salads to go with it. I can't even handle how great it all was! He supplies all the food and beverages. He takes good care of his employees.

After dinner, there was a campfire. S'mores!! :) The campfire was definitely the highlight of my day. I love fires, I love how I smell after a fire. The conversations were great, and the company was even better :) Yes, many of my co-workers were more-than-slightly on the intoxicated side by this point in the day, but nobody got out of control or too annoying. And they were balanced out by the few of us that were sober. It was a good mix, and a great time. I love being outside!

You just kicked a potato!

So.... my last blog post was a bit dramatic to say the least. Sometimes I feel like I should wait a day before I post anything, but on the other hand, it'll be good for me to be able to read back on these entries and remember exactly how I was feeling at that time. Anyway...

Things are good. I really have been having a great summer. I spent the day in Waterton yesterday and it was spectacular. It makes me want to live there. I think it would be fabulous to live there for a summer sometime. Work at a restaurant or something there, live in a cabin, and enjoy the scenery all day every day all summer. Maybe I'll look into that sometime. I just kept thinking to myself, "No way this is real life!" It's so beautiful there. There's no way that God didn't have a hand in creating all that. It's just too breathtaking to be an accident. Got a bit of a sunburn on my shoulders, but it's a good souvenir :)

This Saturday I get to see BRETT!!! He's coming back for a couple days for his sister's wedding. I get to be his escort :) I can't wait to see him and hug him. He's one of my very favourite people in the whole world and I miss his guts! Also, Kelly comes back this weekend!!!! I'll have a female friend again!! It's great timing since Christian and Taneil, the two people I spend the most time with, will both be gone for over a week in August. I'm so glad I'll have Kelly back. She's also one of my very favourite people in the whole world. I miss her muchly as well :)

I've been getting things ready for my brother's wedding next month as well. Bought my bus ticket to Calgary so I can meet up with Megan and drive together. Also booked a hotel room for a night. I think it'll be a fun weekend. It'll be great to see my whole family together at once, as well as meeting Caysha's (my soon to be sister-in-law) family. It's still weird to think I'll have another sister! You can never have too many sisters in my opinion and I think she'll be a good addition to the family. Hopefully she won't be too overwhelmed seeing me and both my sisters all together at once... we can get a little nuts sometimes!! (In a very good way!)

Well, I hope this update was a little less dramatic and a lot more positive. But that's how I'm feeling today so I blogged :)

What is there to complain about?

I am a hot mess.

Life is grand. I have the most AMAZING family, and some simply magnificent friends. I know I am well loved. I know where I came from, I know why I'm here, and I know where I'm going (ultimately). So why do I feel the way I do?

I have this constant knot in my stomach. I am always worried that people are mad at me. I'm afraid that I'm making bad decisions every day. I know I need to be a better person but I don't know how to do it. Even right now, I'm crying and I don't know why. I awake virtually all night last night with a sick feeling in my stomach for no good reason.

I've even done much soul searching lately to help me with some decisions I was faced with, and came up with a plan, and felt good about it. I still do. I need to stay in Lethbridge for at least another semester. I need to be here. There are people I need to help, and things I need to figure out on my own, before I potentially move back to Ontario to be closer to family.

Maybe I can blame all this on anxiety/depression.. I'm not sure. I do know that I'm tired of feeling like this. I'm sorry if anyone reading this thinks it's too much information, or too personal for me to be blogging about, but I kind of treat my blog like my journal, and I'm the type of person who simply CAN'T figure things out in my own head. I need to write it all down or say it out loud or something. So here's hoping this helps.

My good friend cody told me to write a list of things I love about myself. Worth a try.

- I feel what other people feel. This allows me to be empathetic, and a good listener.

- I think I'm funny :)

- I have big beautiful eyes. I love my eyes.

- I'm a good baker!

- I'm smart

- I'm very loyal.. to friends, to my job, and especially to my family.

- I'm a good teacher. I never thought I'd say that about myself.

That's all I can come up with right now. Like I said, I have a great life. I know of many people who have way bigger problems than I do. I don't know how these people have made it through life so far so strong and so inspiring. Things have been pretty "easy" for me. Maybe I just need to learn to be more grateful I guess.

I'm sorry this blog entry has been so depressing! How can I end this on a happier note.... How about this!! Nobody can deny that baby laughter is the best medicine :)

Peace

All I need is some peace. I just want to be content for awhile. How do I find that?

Keep on dancing till the world ends.

There are some fabulous people in the world! And many of them are in my life directly :)

First of all, shout-out to Brett Burbank. Probably one of THE most fabulous people I've ever had the pleasure of knowing. He's one of those people that I felt an instant connection with when we first met. We were only friends for a couple weeks before he left for Australia for 8 months or so. We kept in touch while he was gone, and picked up right where we left off when he got back! Our friendship has only grown since then, by at least 100X. He listens when I talk, I listen when he talks. He's helped me sort out a lot of things that have been going through my head lately and I only hope I've been able to help him out a fraction as much as he's helped me. We took a little road trip down to Utah so he could visit some of his friends. I pretty much just tagged along as company :) The driving part especially was a blast. Rihanna parties (whips and chains excite me!), Britney Spears parties (It's Britney, bitch!), Ke$ha parties (piymp), etc. we had a good time. The trip back was slightly more.....adventurous. We decided it would be a grand idea to drive 13 hrs on absolutely no sleep. At one point we pulled over to sleep for an hour, but it did me no good as I had a buzz on from all the energy drinks we had already consumed. Neither of us could sleep while the other was driving in fear that they would fall asleep at the wheel. So we basically had to keep trading places every hour. It was a loooooong trip. But I wouldn't trade the experience for the world. I heart him :) Last weekend he came to Lethbridge and we went dancing! It was SO MUCH FUN!! Lets just say we both got our freaks on! We had a slumber party Saturday night and he sang to me as we fell asleep! hahahaha... Don't worry mom/dad... it's not the way it sounds. :) Well that was a bit more than just a shout out, but he deserves it. Now he is in Calgary for the summer working, and I am very sad about this :( I'll miss his guts.

Taneil is still the best roommate ever. She has a fabulous new boyfriend however, so I have to learn how to share. She's great about making time for me though. We both need our girl time so it's still fabulous. I still love our little apartment. I'm very very happy that she is so very very happy :) We have occasional "dates" with Jason Vorhees. We've been watching the entire Friday the 13th series and only have one left. I'm somewhat saddened by this. I'll miss those cheesy terrible movies....

I'm going back to school in the fall. I finally registered for classes and it made me slightly sick to my stomach. It's been fabulous taking the time off to work. I've actually been saving money and have been considering buying a car. I'm so over the bus. However I also enjoy having money sitting in my bank account. I also like the idea of being able to go to Calgary to visit my lovers there. So we'll see....

Work is work! My co-workers have seemed like more of a family lately than usual. Kirsten, Laura, and Aaron were both out Saturday night with me when I was out dancing with Brett. Mostly Kirsten. She's a blast in a glass. Luke is a new co-worker. He's great fun as well! We all went out a couple weeks ago. We stayed at this one pub for awhile playing ping pong and pool. Then we decided to hit up Average Joes (another sports pub) for some last minute karaoke! It might've been the funniest thing I've ever seen. The people I was with were slightly on the tipsy side, so we burst in, sang a couple hilarious songs, and left. I'm not sure if I've ever laughed so hard in my life.

On a more serious note, things have been happening in my life and in the lives of others close to me that have got me thinking and re-evaluating where I stand in a lot of issues. Nobody needs to worry... I'm still just fine. I still have strong beliefs where religion is concerned. However I've been forced to really think and research why I believe the way I do. I believe that after I finish with all this soul searching, I will come out the other side stronger than I was before. There have been many areas where I believed one way and knew why I did, and others where I may have been simply blindly following. Lately, however, I have been forced to find reasons as to why I believe what I do. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I was never aware exactly how much I believed simply because I was told to, and how much I was doing simply out of fear of punishment. I'm working on that. Nobody needs to send any concerned messages or emails. I am fine, life is good, the Lord is my Saviour, and I am very grateful for where the gospel and the church has lead me thus far.

The Old Gang

Grrrr... so FRUSTRATED!!! I wish I could fix people... but I can't.

Aside from that, I actually had a fabulous weekend. Danced it up on Friday, Denny's Saturday night, great Sunday! I finally got to meet with my new bishop for a chat. I got my temple recommend renewed! I should've done it ages ago... but I finally got it :) Feels way better than I thought it would! I will most likely get a calling at some point next month when the ward completely changes for the summer. I'm curious to see what I'll get.

I have some awesome friends right now. We call our little group "the family". We spend time together many times a week, and we even give input on who the others date. Haha... Cody has been getting the brunt of our opinions lately.. poor guy. We love him :)

I'm scared for Kelly to leave for BYUI :( Like... actually scared. I'm SO excited for her, and I hope she has an absolute blast and meets lots of fun people, and takes fun classes! But I'm scared to not have her around. She has done more for me in the last month than even she's aware of I think. She has talked me out of some really down days, kidnapped me when I needed it the most, and listens to my endless complaints about the same ol' situation day after day after day... even when I annoy mySELF! And we haven't even been friends for very long! I love her and I hope she doesn't forget about me when she's gone :(

The bish and I chatted about dating/marriage today. He said most people think that marriage just kind of falls on you. It's something that just sorta "happens". He said that's not true and that you have to make it happen. Go for it and make it happen. So I'm gonna do just that... the wheels are in motion...

Mouse in the house!

So I come home from wing night (which was fantastic by the way) and Taneil is all worried. She said she'd heard some funny noises and found a chocolate partially opened in the corner. She was concerned that we had a mouse. One thing I did not know about Taneil, is how absolutely terrified she is of mice. I would've never guessed since she has killed many a spider for me in the past. Anywhoos.. I figured it was just her imagination. There's no way we'd have a mouse in a second floor apartment, and I also assumed if there was a mouse, she would've seen it run away. So I shrugged it off and went to my room.

About a half hour later, I see movement from the corner of my eye, and there it was. A mouse. It ran out of my closet, and ran back in. I totally freaked out, partially because it startled me, but mostly because I was terrified to tell Taneil that her worst fear was coming true. I ran to her room to inform her, and the first words out of both of our mouths was "What boy do we call??" I called Jared AND Cody. I figured safety in numbers, right?

Jared was the first to arrive. I hadn't taken my eyes off my closet. I knew it was still in there. We instructed him to open the closet and flush the mouse out. I was armed with a garbage can. Jared says "Are you sure there's a mouse in there? Is this a trick and it's actually Kelly hiding in there?" He legit thought it was all a joke until the mouse showed himself and he freaked! It was quite humorous actually. Both he and I screamed! Then we got a good look at the little bugger, and both agreed he was actually quite adorable. That lasted for about 3 seconds until Cody showed up ready for action.

Unfortunately for all of us, the mouse was much faster than us. He darted out of my closet, past all three of us, and ran into Taneil's room. The boys ran in pursuit, Taneil and I shut them both in, and shoved a towel under the crack in her door. We stood there listening to the boys freak out, chase the mouse, lose the mouse, find the mouse etc. (Occasionally Jared would stop to say "aww.. he's actually really cute!") Then they lost him. We searched for around 15 minutes through Taneil's things to find the mouse. We were just about to lose hope when out he ran into the hallway and into the living room.

Stupid little bugger ran behind/in the couch. We eventually flushed him out and chased him to the hall closet. By this time, I had technically caught him twice with a laundry basket but he kept managing to squirm out of the holes and keep running. He ended up back in my room again where we chased him around for awhile. We thought we had him this time because I had covered the crack in MY door with another towel but he was much smarter than I gave him credit for. He managed to escape through the crack anyway, freaking Taneil out completely. He ran into the laundry room where we lost him for the final time.

I do not know where the mouse is. There are a couple holes in the floor/wall where different hoses/tubes are connected from the washer/dryer so we assume he disappeared through one of them. Taneil does NOT like mice. She couldn't stay here tonight knowing that the mouse could be still here. I just shut the door, shoved yet another towel under the crack in the door just in case, as well as one in my room. So here I sit, stranded in my own room.

Tomorrow I plan to buy a bunch of mouse traps and perhaps I will catch him one day. All I hope, is that we don't have a "mouse problem" and this was just a one time thing. I'm not sure how long it will take Taneil to recover from this... I hope soon she'll be able to sleep in her own room again... but to be honest, I'm not sure. To be fair, I was totally freaked out as well. My voice is sore from all the screaming. I think it was mostly the adventure that got me all riled up however. I've caught mice with buckets in the past. But this one was fast and unpredictable. I hope I never see it again... unless it's dead.

we were born for this

I have been pretty blessed in the past, in that any temptation I've faced hasn't been that difficult to overcome. The last 6 months or so, however, have been hard. Satan hates eternal families. Hates them. If he had his way, nobody would be together forever. Satan also knows how much potential I have. He doesn't like this at all. He wants to destroy me, and I have been very aware of this lately. On the other side of things, I have also been aware of how much God is also aware of my potential. He wants me to succeed. He has been testing me to see how badly I want what I've been working so hard for my entire life. It feels like Satan and God are using the same particular trial to try to get completely different results. I feel pulled in both directions. This particular trial has been one of the hardest ones I may have ever faced for multiple reasons. Certain people have been brought into my life for a specific reason. Fabulous people. I'm determined to be victorious and to come out the other side a better, stronger person.

This blog post may seem pretty vague, but nobody needs to worry. I know what I want, and I'm going to get it... I hope.

Happy Birthday, Jared!

(Jared is the ugly naked guy that lives across from me... We've decided it's his birthday this weekend... just like how we decided that his name is Jared..)

I moved! :) Taneil and I got ourselves a cute little apartment! It's just our size, just the two of us, it's ALWAYS clean, we live in walking distance to so much useful stuff now (including the grocery store and my bank), and I'm practically neighbours with a couple friends from work! So it's quite fantastic. I'm loving every minute of it! Well... except for those minutes when buddy downstairs decides to play really loud bass music at midnight... but I take the good with the bad!

I'm also loving not being in school this semester. Fingers crossed for more hours next schedule, including no Sundays. For some reason my boss scheduled me to work the next 2 Sundays.. I think he was waiting to see if I'd say anything... I did.

I got an iPhone! Most people probably don't care, but I'm already obsessed with it. Yes.. this does mean Bell Canada sucked me back in for another 3 years, but I figure all phone companies are douchebags so I may as well stick with the one willing to let me upgrade early and credit some charges from my last bill.

Ok I have no other news to share unfortunately.. so I will end with a few random thoughts going on in my head right now. Peace out!

1. I'm craving chinese food

2. I need a pedicure

3. I wonder if my water is boiling yet

4. I should go to the store... but it's SO COLD outside..

5. I should decorate more.. and maybe do some dusting

6. Valentine's day is coming up..... perhaps I'll mysteriously disappear that day..